Unless it was served with Tarte Tatin ala Bloomin' Onion, I would have rather starved than masticate Marie Antoinette's infamous cake.

First, Demeter expectorated into a roadside puddle. Then the Great Deluge ensued, ensuring the muck's ubiquity. -Origin of French Onion Soup

When I die, my ghost shall not abscond until my ashes are lavished with lavander and barreled in a vinyard devoid of muskrats.

Beware the Belgians...for in their iniquitous hands, a feral aardvark hyoid will be used not to flavor soupe - but French Fries.

A grotesque child may gorge itself on chocolate soufflé. Un homme sophistiqué relishes the gastronomic euphony of cheese soufflé ala Red Rooster.

One needs not be a saucier to realize a bovine coccyx augments the splendor of au jus.

Coq au vin is best when served metaphysically, or rendered from an austistic rooster.

If one has not savored Brioche à tête leavened with the noisome yolks of Malaysian pheasants...one has not savored Brioche à tête.

A terroir of (addled) sassafras in a Pinot Gris never fails to arouse my uvula.

The incandescent tip of a Newport Medium is the flame that shall unfurl a Crème brûlée's true exuberance.

Café au lait lusts not for chicory root, but for an amorous liasion with lobe of Yucca.

The finest Champagne is equal vintage Chardonnay, Pinot Noir and Agnostic Elderberries.

In Marseille, Pieds et Paquets will be a masterpiece only if said lamb's feet are rife with bunions.

Rigorous stirring, via hair from the tail of a randy mare. (On the proper method for oxygenating a Bordeaux Médoc)

Escargot? Non. The epiglottis of an emphysemic octopus is an exquisite mollusk delicacy.

Any man, woman or dwarf who dines on Foie Gras derived from an improperly defenestrated Canard should be exiled to Rangoon.

With regard to most scintillating Chutney, there is but one legitimate base. A blighted rutabega.

A baron of beef must never be braised in the essence of a female chinchilla.

Feta conceived from the milk of a flatulent fainting goat commands a certain eloquence.

Grand Cru Burgundy with the slightest soupçon of Cheez Whiz so titilates my palate.